翻译：YT 校对：moki、白羽黑鹭 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net
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- 琼斯保安公司 - 拉里大卫找奥马尔琼斯 - Jones security. - Larry David for Omar Jones.
好的 大卫先生 请问您的电话是关于什么问题的？ All right, Mr. David. What's this call regarding?
嗯 他 他知道是关于什么的 Uh, he... he'll know what it's about.
我是 我是一个客户 I'm... I'm a client.
明白 但是您的电话是关于什么问题的？ Got that, but what is the call regarding?
你知道 老实说 这个问题有点私人 You know, to be honest, it's kind of personal.
我相信是的 I'm sure it is.
但如果您不告知通话目的 我就不能转接给他 But you can't speak with him until you say what this call is regarding.
但是这跟你没关系 这跟他有关系 But it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with him.
我不想告诉你是关于什么的 I don't really wanna tell you what it's about.
好的先生 您冷静一下 然后告诉我通话目的 Ok, sir, control your levels and tell me what this call is regarding.
帮个忙 告诉我你上次聊天的内容 Do me a favor, tell me the details of your last conversation.
这和你没有关系！ That's none of your business!
正是如此 Exactly.
哦我去 Oh, fuck.
笨蛋 真他妈白痴 Schmuck! Fucking idiot!
- 你好 - 嘿 是我 - Hello? - Hey, it's me.
- 嘿你好吗？ - 我被锁在车外了 - Hey, what's up? - I locked myself out of my car.
哦 天啊 Oh, jeez.
好的 我去接你 All right, I'll come get ya.
餐厅：关门 —————— 车餐：营业
欢迎到盒子里的杰克 请问您点什么 Welcome to jack in the box. May I have your order please?
我想要 嗯… I'd like, um...
两个大号杰克 two jumbo jacks,
薯条和健怡可乐 french fries, and a diet coke.
先生 您在车里吗 Sir, are you in a car?
没有 No.
先生 这是汽车餐厅 您要在车里才能点餐 Sir, this is a drive - thru line. You have to be in a car to order.
- 有什么区别？ - 这是我们的规则 这是汽车餐厅 - What's difference? - It's our policy, this is a drive - thru line.
等一下 One second!
拜托 我饿死了 这里什么都没有 所有的店都关了 Come on, I'm starving. There's no... everything... everything's closed.
- 我希望能帮您 - 哦 好吧 好吧 - I wish I could help you, sir. - Oh, yeah, right.
你能帮我吗 他们不让我点餐除非我在车里 Could you do me a favor? They won't let me order unless I'm in a car.
你能？ Will you... ?
他们不让我点餐除非我在车里 They won't let me order any food unless I'm in a car.
- 你介意…… - 对不起 不行 - Would you mind if I... - No, I'm sorry.
谢谢 Thanks.
抱歉打扰你 I'm so sorry to bother you.
我想买点吃的 他们不让我点餐除非在车里 I'm trying to get some food. They won't let me order unless I'm in a car.
- 开玩笑吧 - 简直有病 - No kidding. - It's crazy.
是吧？就是神经病 Huh? It's just insane.
- 告诉你怎么办 - 好 - I'll tell you what. - Yeah.
- 上车 - 真的？ - Get in. - Really?
- 上车 - 哦 - Get in the car. - Oh.
告诉你 皮特 I tell you, Pete,
你应该买大号杰克 you should have got the jumbo jack.
- 帮你自己个忙… - 嗯 - Do yourself a favor... - Yeah.
下次你再来 The next time you come through,
点一个培根芝士汉堡和亚洲沙拉 go for the bacon bacon cheeseburger and the asian salad.
很奇怪的组合 但好吃 A strange combination, but it goes down easy,
好消化 and it comes out fast.
我不用再细说了 I don't need to tell you more.
你是干嘛的 皮特？ What kind of work you do, Pete?
好问题 Good question.
我在… I'm in...
现在我在转型中 我… I'm in a transition at the moment. I'm...
- 我之前是在牙科领域…… - 牙科领域？ - I was involved in the dental field... - Dental field?
- 大概8个月 - 你在牙科领域做什么？ - For about eight months. - What'd you do in the dental field?
我和牙科保健专家共事 Uh, I worked alongside a dental hygienist.
是吗？怎么和牙科保健专家共事呢？ Really? What does somebody do working alongside a dental hygienist?
我观察然后和牙科保健专家一起工作 I watched and worked closely with a dental hygienist.
- 然后 - 然后发生什么了 - And... - and what happened?
我们碰到了点麻烦 Um, we ran into some problems.
然后我觉得还是离开更好 And I prefer to leave it at that.
- 好吧 - 我发现我… - Okay. - I found myself...
喜欢规划设计的工作 drawn to landscaping work.
这个…这个…这个 It's... it's... it's...
这是一个很慢的转型 it's a slow transition.
我…我… I'm... I'm...
- 你后面有色情杂志？ - 是…不 不是 这不是我的 - you got some porno back there? - Yeah... well no, it's not mine.
这是 这是我同事忘在这里的 That was... that was left by a couple of my co - workers.
- 还挺全 - 是天啊 - Boy, that's quite a collection. - Yeah.
我都不知道这些东西在这 I had no idea that that was there.
这一开始就不是我的 I... that's not mine to begin with, so...
我发现它… I find it all...
- 哦 嘿！ - 天啊！ - Oh, hey! - Jesus!
- 嘿 - 准备好走了吗？ - Hey. - You ready to go?
吓死我了 Scared the hell out of me.
- 这是皮特 - 嘿 皮特 你好 - This is Pete. - Hey, Pete, how you doing?
- 这是杰夫 - 杰夫 - This is Jeff. - Jeff.
谢谢你帮助我的朋友 Thank you for helping out my friend.
好的 Okay.
所以你也参与了《宋飞正传》吗 So are you involved in "Seinfeld" as well?
没有没有 No, no, no, no...
你们怎么认识的 How do you fellas know each other?
- 他是我的经纪人 - 我是他的经纪人 - He's my manager. - I'm his manager.
好吧 Okay.
哦 天啊 大号杰克 Oh, man. Jumbo jack.
我和你说了吧？哈？ Did I tell you? Huh?
- 太好吃了 - 难以置信吧 - Best thing ever! - How unbelievable is that?
难以置信 Unbelievable.
对不起 I'm sorry,
但是我有个坏消息 but I got some bad news.
- 哦 路易斯？ - 是的 - Oh. Lewis? - Yeah.
- 肾？ - 是的 两个 - Kidney? - Yeah, both of them.
- 他需要一个新的 - 哦 好吧 - He's gonna need a new one. - Oh, well,
- 有人捐献吗？ - 我不知道 - is there a donor? - I don't know.
他怎么办呢？ What's he gonna do?
我不知道 I don't know.
他要找到 He's gotta find somebody who can...
能匹配的人 who can match.
你知道 但愿他能认识什么人 You know, hopefully, he knows somebody who's...
能有合适的肾给他然后还有一整套… got the right kidney for him and then it's a whole process of...
你知道 首先 这个人要去检测 you know, first, the person who... has to be tested,
然后如果有合适的肾 and then if they have the right kidney,
他们再做手术 then they have the surgery...
- 你能相信吗 - 是啊 - Can you believe it? - Yeah.
没有捐献者 没有捐献者 No donor. No donor.
天啊 我这运气 Oh, god. My luck.
那么多认识的人 With all the people I know.
哦 天啊 Oh, god.
那你的亲戚呢 What about your relatives?
他们应该是适合的 因为相同的血缘还有其他的东西 They're the ones who're supposed to be doing it 'cause they have the same blood and all that.
你不是有个白痴表亲住在这或什么地方？ Didn't you have some idiot cousin living out here or something?
- 路易路易斯？ - 路易路易斯 - Louis Lewis? - Louis Lewis.
- 算了吧 - 他怎么样？ - Please. - What about him?
就跟叫曼森曼森似的 Might as well be called Manson Manson.
他是个疯子 他在盒子里的杰克工作 He's a nutcase. He's... he works at jack in the box and...
盒子里的杰克 我前天晚上在那 Jack in the box. I was just there the other night.
吃了一个大号杰克 Had a jumbo jack...
很不错 Pretty good.
很高兴你喜欢它 I'm glad you liked it.
所以你问过路易路易斯吗？他怎么说？ So did you ask this Louis Lewis? What did he say?
他说如果他死了 他愿意捐献所有器官 He says he wants to donate all of his organs after he dies,
但是活着的时候不行 but not a minute before.
谢谢你 路易路易斯 Thank you, Louis Lewis.
一点都帮不到我 Doesn't help me any.
笨蛋 Schmuck.
我得像其他人一样等着了 I'm gonna have to get on that kidney list like everybody else.
倒霉 Shit.
我的意思是 唯一一个选择就是如果… I mean, the only other option is if...
你知道 如果 如果一个好朋友 you know, if a... if a... if a good friend
或者兄弟站出来 那我就好了 or a buddy comes through. Then I'm golden.
我不知道该做什么 I don't know what to do.
只做一个测验没什么关系 Just the test isn't gonna hurt you.
我应该选一些更健康的朋友 I gotta choose healthier friends.
这样不好 This is no good.
下一次如果我的任何朋友有任何迹象…… Next time there's any sign of anything wrong with any of my friends...
得了任何一种病要去医院 我就… if I think they're gonna be going to the hospital, I'm just...
- 我立刻像甩掉热山芋一样甩掉他们 - 聪明 - I'm just gonna drop them like a hot potato. - Smart.
你也一样 我是说 一旦你病了 And you too. I mean, as soon as you get sick,
- 我就退出 你知道吗 好吧？ - 很高兴你提出来… - I'm out. You know that, right? - I'm glad you bring it up 'cause it's...
- 我是说 - 知道这个很好 - Well, I mean, come on. - No, it's nice to know.
- 是 我在告诉你… - 然而... - Yeah, and I'm giving you... - Although,
我本来以为这是婚姻里包含的 I thought that that's what the whole deal was.
这是你结婚的原因之一 It's one of the reasons you get married.
一般来说 是这样的 但我们… Normally, that is the deal, but we...
我们不要疾病和健康那条了 we're losing the sickness and heath clause.
- 如果你出什么事我马上退出 - 好的 - I'm out if anything's wrong with you. - Okay.
- 而且 你对我也一样 - 谢谢 - And look, same for you. - Thank you.
- 你也一样离开 一旦... - 我会的 - You go too, as soon as... - I will.
- 可以吗？ - 可以 - Okay? - Okay.
- 我不能被疾病包围 - 那现在这事呢？ - I can't be around illness. - But for now?
- 会吓死我的 好吗？ - 但是这件事呢？ - Freaks me out, okay? - But for now?
这会是个好意 他会非常感激的 It'll be such a nice gesture and he'd really appreciate it.
好的 我会去做测试 All right, I'll take the test.
- 我觉得你做的对 - 是 好吧 - I think you're doing the right thing. - Yeah, great.
- 他会感到很安慰的 - 是 我知道 - He's going to feel very good about that. - Yeah, I know.
你是个非常好的朋友 You're a very sweet friend.
非常好 It's very sweet.
晚安 Good night.
你干嘛？ What are you doing?
不亲热一下吗？ How 'bout a nice snuggle here?
我知道 但是你的亲热总是导向做爱 I know, but your snuggle always leads to sex.
那又有什么错 为什么不应该导向做爱？ So what's wrong with that? Why shouldn't it lead to sex?
有时候我只想亲热不想做爱 Sometimes you just want to snuggle and you don't want to have sex.
那样有什么好的 What's the advantage of that?
那样很好 互相交流 温暖甜蜜 Because it's nice. You connect and it's warm and sweet.
- 好吧 我们来亲热吧 来吧 - 你可以这么做吗？ - Okay, let's just snuggle, come on. - You can do that?
- 是 当然 - 不把它变成别的什么？ - Yeah, absolutely. - Without it turning into anything?
- 是 让我们只抱抱 - 看？这样很甜蜜很好 - Yeah, we'll just snuggle. - See? It's sweet. That's nice.
看… See...
这样多好？ How nice it is?
- 好了 你在做什么？ - 什么？什么？ - Okay, what are you doing? - What? What?!
- 这就是我刚才说的 - 怎么了 - That's exactly what I'm talking about. - What's the problem?!
- 摸屁股是我亲热的一部分 - 不 不是 - The ass is part of my snuggle. - No, it's not.
- 就是！ - 好了 晚安 - It is! - Okay, then good night.
我们下次再亲热吧 We'll snuggle another time.
这只是 只是一个杠杆 It's just... it's just a lever.
晚安 Good night.
我把它当作一个杠杆把你拉进来 I'm using the ass as a lever to draw you in.
仅此而已 That's all.
这样能让拥抱更加紧密 and it gets... the snuggle tighter.
晚安 Good night.
- 理查德路易斯的办公室 - 拉里大卫的电话 - Richard Lewis's office. - Larry David calling.
好的 什么事 Sure. What's this regarding?
关于他的肾移植 It's regarding his kidney transplant.
什么？ What?
关于他的肾移植 It's regarding his kidney transplant.
路易斯先生要做肾移植？ Mr. Lewis is getting a kidney transplant?
啥？ What?
- 你说啥？ - 他什么都没对我说 - What are you saying? - He didn't say anything to me about it.
你不知道这件事？ You didn't know about this?
- 开玩笑吗？ - 哦 我的天啊 - Are you kidding? - Oh my god!
他没有对你说？ He didn't tell you this?
他没有对你说他的肾有问题？ He didn't tell you that there was a problem with his kidneys?
不 他什么都没有告诉我！ No, he didn't tell me anything!
他这事儿怎么能不告诉你?! How could he have not told you about this?!
我不知道 但是他这事儿一句话都没给我说 I don't know, but he didn't tell me anything about this!
哦 天啊 Oh jeez.
是你要问我电话是关于什么的！ You asked me what it was regarding!
我不知道会是这种事！ I didn't know it was going to be about something like this!
但是 我本来不会说这些 你问我的！ But I... I wouldn't have said anything! You asked me!
我以为他告诉你了 I could have sworn he told... I figured he told you!
他什么都没告诉我 He didn't say anything to me.
我的天啊 Oh my god.
- 放松 - 不 - Take it easy. - No.
你可以告诉他我打电话来了吗 Could you tell him I called?
- 好的 - 谢谢 - Okay. - Thanks.
你对我的助理做什么了 What did you do to my assistant?
- 你说什么呢？ - 我说什么了 - What are you talking about? - What am I talking about?
她吓坏了 她刚精神崩溃了 She's freaked out, she's having a nervous breakdown,
而且我觉得她要辞职了 and I think she might even quit.
简直难以置信 你为什么要这么做？ It's un - fucking - believable. Why would you do that?
她问我电话是关于什么的！ She asked me what the phone call was regarding!
- 这是隐私 - 她问电话关于什么 我就说了 - It's personal! - She asked what it's regarding, I told her!
天啊 我该怎么办？她疯了 Jeez, what am I going to do? She was a basket case.
天啊 Christ's sake.
我该怎么办？ What am I going to do?
嘿 首先 我要告诉你 嗯 Hey, um, first of all, I want to tell you that, uh...
我想了我们的对话 嗯 I thought about our conversation and, uh...
我会 嗯 I'll, uh,
我会去做检测 I'll take the test.
- 有什么大不了的 - 就这?! - Big fucking deal. - That's it?!
我的意思是 你是我的朋友 I mean, you're my friend.
昨天你就应该同意 Yesterday you should have jumped right on it.
你说的对你说的对 但是我现在补偿你 You're right, you're right, but I'm making up...
我现在补偿你 我要去做那个测试 I'm making it up now. I wanna take the test.
闭上眼 想想如果是反过来呢 Just close your eyes and think if it was reversed
- 你会很失望 - 让我来 you'd be really bummed out. - Let me do that.
我闭上眼 但是现在我问你 I'm closing my eyes, but now I'm asking you...
情况反过来 the situation's reversed.
- 我需要这个肾 - 然后？ - I need the kidney. - Yeah?
你会怎么说？ 你会不会做这个测试？ What are you saying? Would you take the test?
- 我可能会马上答应 - 可能马上答应？ - I'd probably want to leap at it. - Probably leap at it?
- 我… - 你会逃开 - I... - You'd leap out the window.
这么说吧——昨天吃饭的时候我就会答应 Let me just say this: I would have gone on record at the deli.
你好 Hello.
是 我是拉里大卫 Yeah, this is Larry David.
好 我是去过盒子里的杰克 Yeah, I was at a jack in the box.
是 皮特 Yeah. Pete.
哦 天啊 是吗？ Oh, Christ. Really?
嗯 地点是哪里？ Well, what's the address?
洛 杉 矶 警 察 局
所以 你知道 我决定做这个检测 So, um, you know, I've decided to take the test.
- 路易斯的肾脏检测？ - 哦 这很好 - The kidney test for Lewis? - Oh, good for you.
这样很高尚 That's really noble.
- 这样做是对的 - 是 - It's the right thing to do. - Yeah.
- 绝对的 - 绝对的 - Absolutely. - Absolutely.
我在想为什么你没有做 I was kind of wondering why you're not doing it.
- 为什么我应该做？ - 嗯 你是他的经纪人 - Why should I do it? - Well, you're his manager.
你是他的朋友 为什么你不做？ You're his friend. Why shouldn't you do it?
很多有经纪人和朋友的人都需要肾 A lot of people who have managers and friends need kidneys.
这有什么联系吗？ What does that have to do with anything?
我都不知道这是什么意思 I don't even know what that means.
- 你是他的朋友 你是他的经纪人 - 对怎么了？ - You're his friend. You're his manager. - Yeah yeah?
你和他很亲近 你也应该做检测 You're close to him. You should be taking the test too.
你是他最近最久也最亲近的朋友 You're his oldest and closest friend.
所以这是一个关于认识多久的问题吗？是吗？ So it's a question of longevity? That's it?
是的 你是他最亲近最久的朋友 Yeah, you're his oldest and closest friend.
- 这样最合理 - 如果你和你的妻子过了三年了 - That makes the most sense. - If you're married to your wife for three years
然后我认识她快20年 and I've known her for 20,
谁应该给她肾 who should give your wife the kidney?
我认识她更久 I've known her longer.
按你的逻辑看 我应该是给她肾的人 By your logic, I'm the one who should be giving your wife a kidney.
如果我妻子缺一个肾 你可以给她 If my wife needs a kidney, you can give it to her.
哦 好的 所以不管怎么样都是认识多久最重要 Oh, okay, so it's longevity no matter what,
即使你们结婚了 even if you're married to her.
不 我是说你看起来想要给她 No, I'm saying you seemed like you want to give her a kidney,
所以 我让你给她 so I'm gonna let you.
你知道 我不想提起这点 好吧 You know, I'm loathe to mention this, okay,
可是你是我的雇员 but you are an employee of mine.
好吧 你有点过分了 Okay, you're really reaching now.
- 你很绝望 是吗？ - 一点点 - You're desperate, aren't you? - A little.
是 我知道 你不想给他肾 Yeah, I know. You don't want to give up your kidney.
- 不 为什么我应该？ - 我知道 但是 为什么我应该 - No, why should I? - I know. Well why should I?
- 为什么我应该？ - 为什么我应该？ - Why should I? - Well, why should I?
- 因为如果我去做 你也应该做 - 什么时候这成了规则？ - Cause if I am, you should too. - When did that rule come into effect?
- 这有什么错？ - 这不是一条好规则 - What's wrong with it? - It's not a good rule.
- 这是一条好规则 - 不 你得分界 - It's a good rule. - No, you have to draw a line.
肾已经越界了 Kidneys is past the line.
- 嘿 - 琼斯先生 - Hey. - Mr. Jones!
大卫先生 你在这做什么 Mr. David, what are you doing here?
说来话长 但是 我和一个人吃了一个汉堡… It's kind of a long story, but I had a burger with a...
在盒子里的杰克 现在我成了他的证人 at a jack in the box with some guy and now I'm his alibi.
显然我得去指认他 Apparently, I've got to spot him in a line - up or something.
- 我不知道 - 好吧 - I don't know. - Right.
- 是的 这不是这里的问题 - 真的 嗯 - Really, that's not the issue here. - It's true, uh - huh.
- 事实上 我对你有点意见 - 我？ - Actually, I have a bone to pick with you. - Me?
我的意思是 你对前台有什么意见吗？ I mean, do you have something against receptionists?
你知道我打过电话 You know I called up,
我非常礼貌 她想知道电话是关于什么的 I was very polite and respectful, and she wants to know what it's regarding.
- 我看不出和她有什么关系… - 我得说服她留下来 - I don't see how it's her business... - I had talk her into staying.
我是私人侦探不是心理医生 I'm a private eye, not a psychologist.
她去我办公室哭诉了 She comes into my office crying,
你知道 她不明白发生了什么 you know, wondering what's going on.
她是我公司的一部分 有时候… She's a part of my business. There's a certain factor...
但她总归不是你 Still, it's not you.
我是说 如果你是个心理医生 I mean, what if you were a psychiatrist...
她问"电话关于什么？" and she said "what is it regarding?"
- 这是一个惯例 - 然后我说"我计划自杀" - There's protocol. - And I say "I'm planning on killing myself.
- 我想和他谈谈 - 这帮助我节省时间 - I want to talk to him." - It helps me save time
我们问这些问题 这样我能有所准备 and we like to ask those questions so that we're very prepared
等这些电话转给我的时候 when the phone call does get to me.
好吧 很抱歉如果我做了什么 Okay. I'm sorry if I did anything that...
希望我们能避免这些冲突 你知道吗？ Hopefully we can we can avoid these conflicts, you know?
收养的事情怎么样了 How's the adoption thing coming?
我在处理 现在有一些不错的线索 I'm working on some things. I have some really nice leads
我应该很快能反馈给你 and I should have something to you soon.
- 真的 没开玩笑 - 很快 - Really? No kidding. - Pretty soon.
- 奥马尔 你好 - 嘿 雷 你好 - Omar, good to see you. - Hey, Ray, how you doing?
- 艾伦怎么样？ - 她很好 她又怀孕了 - How's Ellen? - She's good. She's pregnant again.
- 真的吗 第三个 - 你是格林先生？ - Really? Third one. - You Mr. Greene?
- 大卫先生 - 大卫先生 雷 - Mr. David. - Mr. David. Ray.
- 这是 格林先生 - 拉里？ - That's... that's Mr. Greene. - This is Larry?
- 这是格林先生 - 我是大卫 - That's Mr. Greene. - I'm Mr. David.
- 你们指认过人吗？ - 没有 - You guys ever do a line - up? - No.
小菜一碟 他们看不到你 不用担心 来吧 Piece of cake. They can't see you. Nothing to worry about. Come.
好了 先生们 进来吧 好吧 All right, gentlemen, if you'll come in, please?
我改变想法了 I changed my mind.
- 来到这个玻璃前 - 我会去做检测 - Move up to the glass please. - I'll take the test.
- 真的？ - 是的 - Really? - Yeah.
- 哇 - 好 - Wow. - Yeah.
- 你真好 - 我会做测试 谁知道呢？ - Good for you. - I'll take the test. Who knows?
你去做测验 我就去做测验 You're taking the test, I'll take the test.
先生们 你们能站在玻璃前吗？ Gentlemen, could I have you step up to the glass please?
这很好 很好 他会很高兴 That's very nice, very nice. He'll be very happy.
- 不用着急 - 好了 他在这 - No hurry here. - All right, there he is.
右边第二个 是他 Second from the right. That's him.
- 第二个 - 对 - Number two. - Yeah.
- 你们确定吗？ - 皮特 - You're certain of that? - Pete.
- 这是皮特？ - 这是皮特 - That's Pete? - That's Pete.
- 你就是和这位先生吃的晚餐？ - 嗯 对 - That's the gentleman you had dinner with. - Uh - huh. Yeah.
- 几点？ - 10:15 - What time of evening was this? - 10:15.
- 10:15？ - 10:15.
- 晚饭吃的挺晚啊 - 我妈妈习惯把叫这个深夜零食 - That's a late dinner. - My mother used to call it a late night snack.
晚餐一般在五点到八点之间 Dinner's between 5:00 and 8:00 generally.
- 这段时间是和二号在一起吗？ - 是的 五点和八点 - And this was with number two? - Yeah, 5:00 and 8:00.
尽管你可以八点开始吃 You could start at 8:00 though.
你知道皮特是谁吗 You know who Peter is?
他是一个… He's a...
他和牙科健康顾问共事 我知道这个 he worked alongside of a dental hygienist. I know that.
- 而且他做过一点景观规划 - 好吧 我不这么认为 - And he did some landscaping. - Yeah, I don't think so.
先生们你们经常和重刑犯一起活动吗？ Are you gentlemen used to hanging out with known felons?
因为二号是皮特黑根 'Cause number two is Peter Hagen,
又叫皮特托克 aka Peter the Tork,
爱哭鬼皮特 Peter the Crybaby,
阴谋家温德尔 Wendell the conspirator,
约书亚·朗塞尔·斯蒂格迈耶 Joshua Lancel Stigmeyer.
你们俩和他 You two gentlemen shared a meal
二号嫌疑人 在23号 with number two on the 23rd...
大约晚上10:15 在一起吃饭 approximately 10:15 P.M.
- 是这样吗？ - 是的 - Is that correct? - Yes.
是的 All right.
让他走吧 先生们 我们好了 Let him go. You're done here, gentlemen.
亨廷顿 医疗中心
我怎么被你说服了？ How do I let you talk me into this?
我在想什么？ What was I thinking?
谁需要这个？ Who needs this?
我有一个好消息 先生们 I have good news, gentlemen.
你们俩的血型都和路易斯先生 Both of your blood types are compatible with Mr. Lewis
肾移植需要的相符 for his kidney transplant.
晚安 护士 Good night, nurse.
晚安 Good night.
这是句俗语 It's just a saying.
- 从来没听过 - 这个有点老 - I never heard of it. - It's an old one.
- 这俗语很好 - 是的 - That's nice. - It is.
- 我知道 - 你知道吗？ - I know it is. - Do you?
- 你知道吗？ - 我知道 - Do you? - I do.
- 你挺棒的 - 我是挺棒的 - Good for you. - It is good for me.
- 哦你这么认为？ - 不是认为 我知道 - Oh you think so? - I know so.
- 我很高兴 - 我也是 - I'm glad. - So am I.
- 那我们都很高兴 - 那你说对了 - That makes two of us. - So you say.
我是说对了 So I did.
那么 我们要怎么决定 Well, how are we gonna decide?
我们可以… we could...
我们可以通过宾戈游戏决定 we could play bingo.
宾戈游戏？ Bingo?
- 你知道 这样…这样公平 - 我和你玩宾戈游戏？ - You know, it's... it's fair. - Me play you in bingo?
就像让我和老虎伍兹打高尔夫决定一样 That's like asking me to play golf against Tiger Woods.
- 和你玩宾戈？- 咋？公平嘛…这是个公平的游戏 - Play you in bingo? - What? It's fair... it's a fair game.
不 谢了 不了不了 No, thank you. No. No.
他不是有个…堂兄弟吗？ Doesn't he have a... a cousin?
路易路易斯 Louis Lewis.
怎么回事啊？ What's going on there?
除非他死了他才愿意捐 He doesn't want to give up his kidney until he's dead.
路易路易斯 Louis Lewis.
好吧 你知道吗 All right, you know what?
我们让路易斯决定 这样怎么样？ We'll just let Lewis decide. How about that?
好 让路易斯决定 Fine, let Lewis decide.
- 好 这么定 - 我会听他的决定 你呢？ - Yeah, sure sure. - I'll abide by his decision. Will you?
好 当然 当然 Yeah, most definitely, most definitely.
- 我支持这样 我支持这样 - 好的 - I'm for that, I'm for that. - Okay.
- 我们握手约定 - 好的好的 - Let's shake on that. - Sure sure.
好的 不许游说 Sure. No campaigning.
- 对对 不许游说 - 不许游说 - No. No campaigning. - No campaigning.
我不想发现你给他打电话说 I don't want to find out you've been calling him up and saying,
- "哦 他比我瘦多了" - 发现我在说这些？ - "Oh, he's a lot thinner than I am." - Find out that I've been saying?!
哦 我比你更可能做这种事吗？ Oh, I'm more likely to do it than you?
嘿 大卫先生 Hey, Mr. David.
首先 那天的事很抱歉 First of all, I'm really sorry about the other day.
我真的不知道你不知道 I really had no idea that you didn't know about that.
我…我本来不会说 当然 I'm... I never would have said anything, obviously.
他在…他在里面吗？ Is he... is he in?
他在和杰夫通电话 He's on the phone with Jeff right now.
好吧 是关于什么的 Well, what's it regarding?
- 我不知道 - 嗯 - I don't know. - Hmm.
- 你没有问？ - 没有 - You didn't ask? - Nope.
我想知道他是不是在游说 I wonder if he's campaigning in there.
哦 天啊 Oh, jeez.
- 他甚至都没告诉我 - 别呀 你最终总是会发现的 - He didn't even tell me now. - Now, you'd have found out eventually.
不 你本来…哦 天啊 No, you... you would have... oh, jeez.
我确定他打算告诉你的 I'm sure he was gonna tell you.
别 别哭… No, don't... don't cry.
哦 可怜的人 Oh, poor thing.
哦 天啊 Oh, jeez.
哦 上帝啊 Oh my gosh.
哦 亲爱的 Oh dear.
好了好了 没关系 It's all right, it's okay.
不要 不要担心 Don't... don't worry.
我确定他会告诉你的 I'm sure he was gonna tell you.
好了 别担心啦 Yeah, no, don't worry.
好了 好了 没关系 There there, it's okay.
- 等等 你在干嘛？ - 什么？ - Wait, what are you doing? - What?
- 这是在干什么？ - 你在说什么 - What was that? - What are you talking about?
这是干嘛 ？你为什么碰我的头发？ What the hell, man? Why did you touch my hair?
我在安慰 I was consoling.
- 我在安慰你 - 这不是安慰 - I was consoling you. - That wasn't consoling.
摸头发是我安慰人的一部分 Touching hair is part of my consolation routine.
这很诡异 No, it's really weird.
- 你表现的很不得体 - 什么？不得体？ - You're being really inappropriate. - What? Inappropriate?
- 是的 很不得体 - 你疯了吗 - Yeah, you were. - Are you crazy?
嘿 怎么了？又来了？又来了？ Hey, what is this? Again?! Again?!
她 她疯了！我在安慰她 She's... she's crazy! I was consoling her!
- 他骚扰我 - 我没有 - He was coming on to me! - I wasn't coming on...
- 你神经病吗？ - 我在安慰她 摸到了她的头发 - Are you a sociopath?! - I was consoling her and I touched her hair.
不 你不是 你是在骚扰我 No you weren't! He was coming on to me!
- 这是胡说八道！ - 我走了 - That's such baloney! - I'm leaving.
我只是在安慰她 我碰了她的头发 I was consoling her. I touched her hair.
- 我走了 - 她觉得这是在骚扰 她疯了 - I'm leaving. - She thinks that's coming on, she's nuts.
太 太奇怪了 What... what a whack job.
你开玩笑吗 Are you kidding me?!
我在安慰她 我只是碰了她的头发 I was consoling her! I was touching her hair.
- 太荒谬了 - 嗯 - That's ridiculous! - Mm - hmm.
她觉得我在骚扰她？算了吧 She thinks I'm coming on to her? Get out of here.
算了吧 Get the hell out of here.
- 你觉得她是走了还是不干了？ - 这是一个好问题 - You think she's leaving or quitting? - That's a good question.
我不知道 她说她走了 I don't know. She said she's leaving.
- 哦 真是麻烦 - 这是走了还是不干了 - Oh, what a hassle. - Is that leaving or quitting?
- 我不知道 - 一样的事谢丽儿也发生过 - I don't know. - Same thing happened with Cheryl.
她说她走了 我以为她和我分手了 She said she was leaving. I thought she was leaving me.
结果只是和她的朋友去吃饭 She's just going out to have lunch with her friend.
谢丽儿…现在 看看 你要… Cheryl... right now, look at this... are you...
你真的做了一些奇怪的行为吧 You really have evidenced some pretty erratic behavior.
得了吧 我就碰了她的头发 她疯了 Get out of here. I was touching her hair. She's crazy.
- 难以置信 - 所以 - Unbelievable. - So um...
你得到消息了吗 Did you get the news?
- 谢谢 是的 - 这样怎么样 - Thanks. Yeah yeah. - How about that?
我是个幸运的人 I'm a lucky man...
我太幸运了有你们俩来帮我 谢谢 I'm a lucky man to have two of you guys come through for me. Thank you.
- 嘿 太棒了 - 好了 你选择吧 - Hey, far out. - So there you go. You've got your choice.
- 两个 两个肾 - 哇 - Two... two kidneys. - Wow!
- 当然… - 我很感激 兄弟 - Of course... - I'm very grateful, man.
你知道 我 You know, I...
我比他老很多 I am considerably older than him.
我不是要… And I'm not gonna...
我不想加入这个游戏 但是 你知道 他… I don't want to get into that whole game. But, you know, he's...
显然 年轻一点是不一样的 there's a difference when you're younger, obviously.
嗯 肾就是肾就是肾 Nah, a kidney's a kidney's a kidney.
我不太确定 但是你知道 不管怎么说 I'm not so sure about that, but you know, whatever.
他还更大块头一点 His are bigger too.
他的是一个大个的健壮的肾 能更好的工作 你懂的？ It's a big hefty kidney, could just handle a big load I think, you know?
有了它你又可以喝酒了 You could start drinking again if you wanted to with that thing.
- 你这么说… - 你知道以防万一 - That, uh that... - Well, you know in case...
有一点伤害我的感情 兄弟 hurts my feelings a little bit, buddy.
- 11年不饮酒 - 也许不是 - 11 years sober. - Maybe not that.
- 谢谢 - 但是你知道 - Thank you. - But, you know, uh...
就这样吧 that's all.
另外其实 你懂吧 有很多关于我的事 And then the fact that, you know, there's a lot about me that
我离开大学时的事 你不知道 我那时候还不认识你 when out of college, you don't know about. I didn't know you then, so...
行了 我都经历过 Please, I've been through everything.
嗯 我不觉得你做过我做的 但是 Well, I don't think you did what I did, but...
- 相信我 三十倍多的都经历过 - 你不会想要我的 - Trust me. Times 30. - Uh, you're not really getting my drift.
- 听着 这 你俩都合适？ - 是的 - Listen, it... you're both a match? - Yeah.
我不在乎你们怎么弄 你猜怎么着？扔个硬币 老兄 I don't care how you figure it out. You know what? Flip a coin, man.
点兵点将 Eeny meeny miney moe.
我在乎什么？ What do I care?
- 好的 - 好吧？ - Okay. - All right?
离她远点行吗？ And stay away from her, will you?
稀奇古怪 Whack job.
要从我开始 I got to start with me.
点兵点将骑马打仗 Eeny meeny miney moe, catch a tiger by the toe.
有钱喝酒没钱付账 If he hollers, let him go. My mother says to pick this one
就是你 and out goes y - o - U.
从我开始 从我开始 Start with me. Start with me.
从我开始 Start with me.
好的 我要扔硬币了 一次决定谁来捐肾 好吗 Okay, I'll flip this coin and this will be the kidney decider, all right?
为什么我们不用点兵点将 Why don't we do eeny meeny?
- 我以为我们要扔硬币 - 让我们来点兵点将 - I thought we were gonna do a coin flip. - Let's do eeny meeny.
- 我们同意了扔硬币 - 我想我宁愿点兵点将 - We agreed on a coin flip. - I think I'd rather do eeny meeny.
- 好的 - 我们做点兵点将 - Fine. - We'll do eeny meeny miney moe.
- 来吧 好吗？ - 好的 - Let's just do it, okay? - Fine.
- 好的 来吧 - 好的 - All right, go. - All right.
好的 在我们开始之前 我要对你们真诚地说 And before we go, I want to say something to you guys and I mean this.
我很敬佩你们俩 I admire the both of you.
你们为友谊的所作所为 是非常了不起的行为 What you're doing is an unbelievable act of friendship.
我只希望我肾脏也匹配 这样我也可以参与其中 I just wish I had a kidney match so I could be involved.
嗯 你没有做测试 Well, you haven't taken the test.
你们准备点兵点将了吗 Are you ready to do eeny meeny?
- 是 - 你想做测试吗？ - Yeah. - Do you want to take the test?
不 反正我也不觉得会匹配 让我们来做点兵点将吧 No, I don't think I'm a match anyway. Let's just do eeny meeny.
谁想做第一个 Who wants to be eeny?
- 我先来 - 好 你先来吧 - I'll be eeny. - Yeah, you can be eeny.
- 好的 - 他先来吧 - Okay. - He'll be eeny.
为什么你想让我先来 How come you want me to be eeny?
不 这样很好 你先开始 No, it's good. You should be eeny.
这是你想要的 是吗？ That's what you want, right?
你不想先来吗 Don't you want to be eeny?
想让我先来吗？你想先来吗？ Want me to be eeny? Do you want me to be eeny?
- 我先来我先来 - 好的 - I'll be eeny. I'll be eeny. - Okay.
好的 来吧 Okay, here we go.
点兵点将 骑马打仗 Eeny meeny miney moe, catch a tiger by the toe.
有钱喝酒没钱付账 If he hollers, let him go.
到谁谁先上 My mother says to pick this one
就是你 and out goes y - o - U.
耶耶耶 Yeah yeah yeah!
- 你这么激动什么？ - 不 你什么意思 - What are you excited about? - No, what do you mean?
- 你高兴什么 - 我赢了！ - What are you so happy about? - I won!
- 没有 你输了 - "就是你" - No, you lost! - Out goes y - o - u!
没有 你输了 你出局了 是你 No, you lost! You're out. You're it.
- 不不不不不 - 是你是你 - No no no no no. - Yes yes.
不 "就是你" No, out goes y - o - U.
- 你输了 - 你输了 - You're the loser. - You're the loser.
- 你输了 - 你输了 - You're the loser. - No, you're the loser.
- 告诉他 告诉他 告诉他 - 等一下 - Tell him, tell him, tell him. - Hold on a minute.
"就是你" 你要捐肾 Out goes y - o... U give the kidney.
- 你要捐肾 - 不不不 你们这群傻瓜 - You give the kidney. - No no no. You stupid idiots!
你们都不知道怎么玩点兵点将 You don't even know how to play eeny meeny miney moe.
- 我们是傻瓜?! - 我不知道怎么玩点兵点将？ - We're idiots?! - I don't know how to play eeny meeny?
- 你一点都不懂点兵点将 - 你 你出局了 - Ya don't know the first thing about eeny! - Y - o - U. You're out.
- 没有 我是安全的 - 你们吵什么呢？ - No, I'm safe. - What the hell is all this screaming about?
- 输得有点尊严 - 好的 等一下 - Lose with dignity. - All right, wait a second.
- 我们在玩点兵点将 好吗？ - 是 - We're playing eeny meeny miney moe, okay? - Yeah.
- 就是 你 - 对 就是你 - Out goes y - o - U. - Right, you're it.
- 是谁 - 是你 - Who's it? - You're it.
- "就是你" - 不 这个人是没事的 - Out goes y - o - U. - No, that person's safe.
- 就是你 - 不 就是你 - He's you. - No, and out goes y - o - U.
是你 就是你 You're it. You're it.
- 是你 你输了 - 你这个笨蛋 - You're it. You lose. - You fucking idiots here!
你们到底在说什么？输什么？ What are we talking about anyway? Losing what?
他们要捐一个肾给理查德路易斯 They're giving a kidney to Richard Lewis.
- 是他 - 他输了 - He's the one. - He lost.
什么 你他妈的要捐肾 Excuse me, you're not giving your fucking kidney.
如果有一天你的孩子需要肾怎么办 What if one your kids needs a kidney one day?
你要把肾给理查德路易斯？ You're gonna give a kidney to Richard Lewis?
不不不！ No no no!
- 你给你的孩子们呗 - 我也许不匹配 拉里 - You'll give it to 'em. - I might not be the match Larry.
他需要他的肾 这是第一 第二 他是个死胖子 He needs his kidney, number one. Number two, he's a fat fuck.
他经不起一场手术 He can't even survive the surgery.
你怎么知道他经不起一场手术？ How do you know he can't survive the surgery?
你健康而且瘦 你去捐肾 You are healthy and thin. You're giving the kidney.
讨论结束 没什么说的了 End of discussion, moot point.
"就是你" Out goes y - o - U.
所以我出局了 So I'm out.
我是胜利者 I'm the winner.
不 这表示你出局了 另一个人赢了 No, that means you're out and the other people stay in.
那种是如果两个人以上玩的话 That's if you're playing with more than two.
如果你和两个人玩 If you're playing with just two people,
"就是你" 你就是赢的人 then the one who's out is the winner... out goes y - o - U.
就是我 他输了 I'm out, he's in.
- 他赢了 - 你玩过点兵点将吗？ - He's the winner. - Have you ever played eeny meeny miney moe?
- 玩过 - 玩过吗？ - Yeah, I have. - Have you?
就是这么玩的 That's how it works.
听着 我从小玩点兵点将 Listen, I grew up with eeny meeny miney moe...
- 从小玩 - 我也是 - grew up with it. - I did too!
我知道这个游戏的规则 I know the rules of the game.
我觉得你现在像个小孩 I think you're being a baby right now.
你知道 这完全不公平 You know, it's totally unfair.
我这么多年来自律… I take care of myself all these years...
节食 锻炼 这么多事 the diet, the exercise, the whole thing,
为了什么？ for what?
我还不如吸烟吃垃圾食品呢 I'd have been better off just eating crap and smoking.
这么多年来我就应该这样… That's what I should have been doing all these years...
吃垃圾食品并抽烟 eating crap and smoking.
也许这就是为什么你溺水那天被救了 Maybe this is why you were saved when you were drowning that day.
也许是吧 Maybe this is...
这就是原因 the reason.
- 是吗？ - 是的 - Oh really? - Yeah.
哦 他救了我所以我可以捐一个肾？ Oh, he saved me so I can give up a kidney?
这就是原因？ That's why?
如果他这么关心 If he wants to get so involved,
为什么不在他睡觉时就把他的肾治好… why doesn't he just fix his kidney tonight while he's sleeping...
别来这种溺水救人的把戏？ instead of going through all this drowning - saving business?
嗯 我觉得你做的对 Well, I think you're doing the right thing.
你难道不感觉很好吗？能为理查德做点什么 Don't you feel good about doing this for Richard?
- 不 感觉不好 - 你感觉很好 - No. - Yes you do.
我没有 我觉得糟透了 I don't. I feel awful.
想想他现在的感觉 Think about how he's feeling right now.
他感觉很好 He feels good.
- 嗯 这不让你感觉很好吗？ - 不 - Well, doesn't that make you feel good? - No.
- 你应该感觉很好 - 我没有 - Well, you should. - I don't.
- 你会没事的 - 我有事 - You're gonna be okay. - I'm not.
- 你没事 - 不 我有事 - Yes you are. - No I'm not.
我不会让你有事的 I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.
- 是吗？ - 是的 - Really? - Yeah.
- 哎 - 谢谢 - Aww. - Thank you.
没事 不客气 我会陪你的 Okay, you're welcome. I'll be here.
我不会让你有事的 I'm not gonna let anything happen to you...
- 你在干嘛？ - 什么 - What are you doing? - What?
- 什么？ - 你要把安慰变成性爱 - What? - You're turning consolation into sex?
嗯 那是安慰的最终形式 Well, that's the ultimate form of consolation.
- 不 不是 - 是的 就是 - No, it's not. - Yeah, sure it is.
好的 算了吧 Okay, just forget it.
你在安慰我 这 这对我来说就是安慰 You were consoling me and that's... that's consolation to me.
性是安慰 Sex is consolation.
那不就是安慰吗？不是吗？ Isn't that consolation? No?
这已经是发生在盒子里的杰克的第三起持枪抢劫了 This has been the third hold - up of a jack in the box
在过去的两个月里 in the past two months.
警察相信嫌疑人 皮特黑根 对此负责… Police believe that the suspect, Peter Hagen, is responsible...
嘿 是那个家伙皮特 那个我捞出来的家伙 Hey, that's that guy Pete... the guy I got out of jail.
这起枪击案的受害者 路易路易斯先生… The victim of the shooting in this case, a Mr. Louis Lewis...
是演员理查德路易斯的堂兄 cousin of actor - comedian Richard Lewis,
现在他还在昏迷中 几乎没有生还的可能 is in a coma and is not expected to survive.
余朝汉从影视城发来报道 This is Kelvin Han Yee live from Studio City.
翻译：YT 校对：moki、白羽黑鹭 英语字幕来源：tvsubtitles.net